The Potty Follies

Today as I was driving home from yoga I noticed there was a work crew cutting the grass in the median which divided the highway.  As I drove past the lawnmowers I saw a large van with the words “Work Crew Transport” parked along the shoulder with a trailer attached.  On top of the trailer was a port-a-potty which someone from the work crew was exiting.  I couldn’t help but think, It must be strange to use a port-a-potty on the side of the highway with traffic speeding by outside at 65+ miles per hour.  Then I thought, How strange to have a port-a-potty, after all you could just go along the side of the road like everyone else.  Then I remembered, I’M NOT IN AFRICA!  You can’t just GO along the side of the road, I think you get arrested for that here!  (Please refer back to the previous post about adjusting to life back in the western, civilized world.)

Yesterday I flew to Miami for a meeting. I arrived first thing in the morning and then was scheduled to return to Baltimore the same evening.  I told the person who was taking me back to the airport for my return trip that “I didn’t bring any luggage (or my African bug out bag), but you know, I threw my toothbrush, and a few other necessities in my purse just in case I got stuck here.”  He said, “You know, we do have Walgreen’s and CVS.  If your flight gets cancelled you could just go buy whatever you need.”  I thought about it for a moment and then said, “I guess that didn’t really occur to me.  I think I’m still in Africa-mode.  Every time I leave the house I carry toilet paper with me in case I can’t find it anywhere because I’m used to never finding toilet paper, or a real toilet for that matter, most places I go (in Africa).”

Let me explain what I mean by “I seldom find a REAL toilet (in Africa).”  Plumbing is very limited in most of Africa.  Most people have detached outhouses. Even if you have indoor plumbing there is no guarantee it will work properly due to water restrictions.  You can’t flush the toilet if there is no water.  When I first arrived in Botswana there was no water in my building on campus for 7 weeks.  Unfortunately people would continue to use the toilets, but they didn’t flush.  In the African heat that equals unpleasantness.  But most of Africa doesn’t have what we call western toilets.  This is a western toilet:

You might, emphasis on might, find western toilets in government buildings, airports in major cities and well-funded universities.  IF, emphasis on IF, you find a western toilet, it is highly unlikely there will be a toilet seat or toilet paper.  It will probably look like this:

In most of Africa, and most of the world, you will find what is called a stand up toilet or a long drop.  Here is a stand up toilet which does have water, and thus actually flushes- sort of:

I was explaining a stand up toilet to friends back home (I was in Africa at the time and they were in the U.S.) and they had never heard of such a thing.  I sent them a picture and they thought I was making this up.  I consider the fact that I am writing a blog post entirely about toilets 1.) kind of ridiculous, but also 2.) a public service announcement and warning to anyone that is considering travel to a third world country.  Stand up toilets are also prevalent in India and China.  Now, not that I am advocating for these types of facilities here, but stand up toilets are considered more biologically beneficial.  What that means is that almost no one in India or China ever has a hip replacement. Why? Because they are continually bending the way the body is designed to and thus, they have healthy hips.

One step down from a stand up toilet is what we call a long drop.  It means exactly that.  Basically it is a hole dug in the ground.  You put your feet where the two large ovals are.  If you need more explanation than this please contact me directly:

The above examples are standard waste disposal facilities.  Of course, the African bush is quite expansive. If there are no toilets (western or stand-up) or long drops available you can always go behind a tree or rock.  Of course, sometimes you are in the middle of the desert, so there is no privacy available.  Oh well, it happens.

Since I’ve already gotten this far, I figure I should give you some tips on what to do if you are ever travelling and need to be prepared for “alternative” bathroom facilities:

1. Carry toilet paper with you at all times.  When I was in Namibia I was told a story of an Italian couple who used leaves from a nearby bush because they didn’t have TP.  Turns out the plant causes blindness (from touching the leaves and then touching their faces).  
2. Bring a plastic ziplock.  This is in case you go behind a tree, rock, or out in the open.  Don’t pollute the environment with your used TP.  Put it in the ziplock and then dispose of it properly later.  This isn’t a necessity, but it is considerate.
3.  Two words: hand sanitizer.  This should be self-explanatory, but it can also double as a cleaning agent in case you don’t follow tip #4. 
4. Wear close-toed shoes and long trousers.  There are a few reasons for this: First of all, most ladies can’t guarantee their aim will be perfect. (I can’t speak for the gents on this issue.)  There is nothing more annoying that getting your leg/foot wet. (I don’t know this for sure.  This is what “friends” tell me.) In the event you are wearing flip flops AND your aim is bad you might slip on the porcelain stand-up toilet.  Said slip may result in a foot getting lodged in the hole. (Again, I can’t say I know this first hand, but “friends” assure me this happens from time to time.) 
5. In the event you don’t follow the advice in tip #4, try not to panic, phone a friend, get them to help you dislodge yourself from the toilet, and then if you remembered tip #3 and #1 you can use hand sanitizer and TP to clean off your leg. 
6. Laugh.

I’m sure most of you reading this blog post will never have to worry or experience anything I’ve described to you here.  BUT!  If any of you do in the future- even if it is 50 years from now- I bet you will remember this.  I expect at some point I will receive an email along the lines of, “Dear Dr. Phelan, you were right about the stand-up toilet.  I forgot the TP, didn’t have sanitizer and wore flip flops.  What a mistake!  Lots of Love, Your Former Student/ Friend/ Family Member/Stranger Who Read Your Blog”  I tried to warn you. :)

Packing Your African Bug Out Bag

I recently received a note on one of my blog posts from my friend Lisa who said that my daily stories provide excellent dinner table conversation for her and her husband.  She mentioned that her family was preparing to move to a natural disaster zone where there were occasional snake problems.  Having read about my experience with the cobra she was concerned about how to handle the situation if a snake entered her home because she couldn’t call the Botswana army to do a snake extraction in Florida.  Lisa recounted a conversation with her husband in which the two of them wondered, “What else do you think Kelly would recommend for survival in a natural disaster area?”

Back in Texas we have a faculty member on staff who is always talking about emergency preparedness and “honoring the threat.”  I’m afraid to visit his home because he describes it like a James Bond type of hideout.  Apparently he has a giant knife, hand grenades or a rocket launcher hidden behind every door, including under the sink of his guest bathroom.  In addition, Dr. Bond likes to discuss the importance of a Bug Out Bag in his classes.  For those of you who may be less familiar, a Bug Out Bag is basically a bag which you always have packed and ready to go at a moment’s notice in the event you have to evacuate unexpectedly due to an emergency.  Here are the contents of my Bug Out Bag, which I also travel with, here in Africa:  

1. Duct Tape.  Duct tape can be used to plug holes in screens to keep the mosquitoes out, to hold your luggage together when it gets ripped, or to keep you from bleeding to death.  I once cut my hand badly on a tin roof.  It was a Sunday afternoon so there were no hospitals open and I was leaving on a flight to Amsterdam the next morning.  No matter what I did the cut wouldn’t stop bleeding.  I duct taped a washcloth around my hand until I got to Amsterdam and could get stitches. 

2. Wedding Ring.  Since I can’t travel with my fake husband I can at least travel with my fake wedding ring.  I am also 11 weeks pregnant and have been exactly 11 weeks pregnant for over a year now.  Fidelity is not taken seriously here, so saying you have a husband and showing the ring as proof does not deter very aggressive, unwanted advances.  But motherhood is highly respected.  Plus research shows that if a woman tells her rapist she is pregnant her attacker is less likely to complete the assault, so I have used this little fib as a preemptive warning in a few particularly scary situations.

3. Hand Sanitizer and Toilet Paper.  Nine times out of ten it is more hygienic to use a bush to relieve yourself than to use a public toilet if you are outside the confines of your home/hotel.  But when you are in the middle of the African bush there are no toilets anyway, so you have to use a bush regardless.  Might as well be prepared. 

4. Needles, Malaria Medication, Vaccination Card, Water Purification Tablets.  Fortunately I haven’t had to use the needles yet (fingers crossed I will make it out of here and not need to), but I always bring them with me because you never know what kinds of medical supplies will be available in the event of an emergency.  

5. U.S. Dollars in small denominations.  I think I’ve mentioned corruption a few times before.  The good thing is, if someone is going to bribe you they are more likely to accept U.S. dollars than any other currency.  When I came to Africa this time I brought $5,000 in small bills; I’ve used most of them.  

6. Head Lamp and Lighter.  You may have heard in passing that we have problems with electricity.  Or you may be stuck in a four-star hotel with electricity, but no light bulbs in the sockets.  If you can’t find something safe to set on fire with the lighter then you can always use your headlamp. 

7. Facial Wipes and Goggles.  I think I may have also mentioned once or twice that we have lots of problems with water throughout Africa.  Sometimes you have water, sometimes you don’t.  Sometimes you have water, but it’s dangerous if you get it in your eyes.  In that case you wear goggles in the shower and then wash your eyes out with bottled water or use facial wipes.  

8. Laundry Detergent and Sink Stopper.  The important instruction here is DO NOT USE WHITE LAUNDRY DETERGENT!  White powder=drugs.  So I use blue laundry detergent.  Depending on where I am travelling I often take only three or four sets of clothes and wash them by hand in my sink each night.  But you need to be careful because in many countries you have to iron ALL YOUR CLOTHES in order to kill the mango fly eggs.  If the mango fly eggs hatch on your clothes they burrow under your skin and you can literately feel them moving around underneath the surface.  Then you have to go to the doctor to have them cut out. As a general rule this is not fun. 

9. Sporf, Pens, Tweezers and Nail Clipper. It’s always a good idea to travel with a sporf (spoon-fork-knife combo), because you never know when you might need an eating utensil and there won’t be any available.  Same goes for pens.  Somehow, no one EVER has a writing instrument.  If you don’t bring your own don’t bother asking for one because no one else will have one either.  Since you can’t travel with scissors, tweezers and nail clippers are good alternatives; you can use them when you need to cut something.

I think that pretty much wraps up my African Bug Out Bag.  Though I would recommend snacks as well.  With all the food shortages we have here you can’t be guaranteed you will find something you want/need when you want/need it.  With that being said, here is one final piece of advice concerning snacks:  If you are driving down the road and see a lone orange tree off to the side with giant oranges on it that look SO GOOD just keep driving.  There is a reason no one else has come along and picked them off sooner.  Why?  Land mines.

HAPPY PACKING!

The High Cost of Unemployment

I’m a little embarrassed to admit this, but I don’t read the news very diligently.  Back in the U.S., I used to criticize my students for failing to keep up with current events.  But since moving to Africa I have become a hypocrite.  On my recent trip to Lesotho, my travelling companion read three papers in one afternoon while I was driving.  I told him, “I really don’t keep up with the news because so little of what is in there actually affects me.  But if you see anything important you think I should know please tell me.”  He did not have anything of note to report.

The way I look at it, there is very little which happens in the world which affects my existence right now.  My primary daily concerns center around:  Is there electricity?  If there is how long will it be available so I can do work?  If we lose electricity what ‘other work’ can I do in order to justify my salary and professional standing?  Is there water today?  If there is water is there enough so I can take a sponge bath?  Will there be enough so I can finally wash my hair?  (It’s been five days; sorry, I know that’s kind of gross.)  Is there any fresh food at the grocery store?  Nope, no fresh food.  Ok, will it be canned tuna fish, avocados and potato chips? Or should I splurge and go for rice cakes and peanut butter?

The newspapers here tend to offer a rather slanted view of reality, mostly because they tend to play to the opinions of the publisher funding the paper.  But from time to time, when the electricity is available, I do look online at the international media outlets.  There were two articles I read today which I found interesting and contradictory.  One was about unemployment in the U.S.  The other was about unemployment in Nigeria.

The U.S. article boasted that the unemployment rate had dropped in 43 states in January, reducing the national unemployment to 6.6%.  Of course, the article wasn’t particularly transparent in admitting that a significant reason for this dip was that baby boomers are retiring in record numbers.  Technically, labor force participation is at its lowest since 1977 and long-term unemployment is at an all-time high.  I guess it’s a good thing we have lots of old people who are getting ready to retire, thus allowing that unemployment rate to continue looking optimistic.

Of course, things could be worse in U.S. employment news.  We can at least be thankful we aren’t Nigeria.  However, things are pretty desperate when you compare yourself to Nigeria.

Over the weekend 16 people were killed in Nigeria during job fairs across the country.  The government opened up 4,500 jobs and directed interested applicants to report to the nearest of five designated locations to apply.  More than half a million (500,000) people showed up, prompting stampedes which resulted in hundreds of injuries and 16 deaths.

One of the job recruitment locations was the Abuja National Stadium.  According to a report, only ONE (1) entrance to the 60,000 seat stadium was open.  More than 65,000 applicants squeezed their way into the stadium, and then when people began rushing the registration area many were trampled and trapped, unable to depart the stadium as all but ONE (1) exit was blocked.  In case you haven’t read my blog post about security in Africa, please check it out here, as these types of security measures are commonplace and often more detrimental than beneficial.

Nigeria’s unemployment rate stands at 23.9%, thus I can understand the efforts made by those at the job fairs.  While I am sympathetic, Nigeria’s Minister of the Interior seemed considerably less-so when he stated the victims “lost their lives through their impatience.”

Applying Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Theory to Botswana

In 1943 Abraham Maslow published a paper which stated that all human beings are motivated by a spectrum of physical and psychological needs which are hierarchical in nature.  Basic human needs (food, water, shelter) must be met before a person can be motivated to pursue a higher degree of needs, such as relationships, self-esteem or social status.  In other words, if you have an employee who is homeless you cannot expect to get that person to work harder with the promise of a promotion.  Your homeless employee doesn’t care about a promotion because he needs a place to live.  Here is Maslow’s Hierarchy if you are unfamiliar with it:

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is typically taught in Organizational Behavior, Management and Human Resource classes in order to help students understand how people think and how they can (and cannot) be motivated.  I’ve taught this topic for years but I’ve never truly understood what it is like to be in a position to not have those basic human needs met.  When I used to teach about Maslow I would admittedly almost gloss over the bottom rung of the pyramid because my college students obviously were being fed and housed, they had families who were paying their tuition and taking care of them, and so they were at the bare minimum mid-way up the ladder.

However, my recent experience in Africa has made me realize that I need to pay more attention to the basic physiological needs because you never know when that will be your (or your employee’s) motivation.  Right now the most basic needs are my motivation.  I don’t care that I have money because I can’t use it to buy what I want.  Very few faculty members here are professors, most are lecturers.  Everyone calls me “Prof” as a sign of respect for the social standing I have attained.  But I don’t care about that either.  The ONLY thing I care about right now is food, water and shelter.

I do have a home here in Botswana.  And it is very nice.  Much nicer than I ever expected, or than I really need.  But I’ve come to realize that having a home and enjoying your home are two different things.  I’ve mentioned before we have water rationing.  I only have water in my house on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays.  Of course, I can’t drink the water anyway, but I do use it to take showers, wash clothes and clean.  Water rationing is inconvenient, but bearable because it is on a pretty reliable schedule and they seldom turn off the water on the three days we are assigned to receive it.

Electricity is different.  We have had unpredictable rolling power outages since I arrived in Botswana.  Over the past two months electricity has become even more inconsistent.  For the past two weeks we have only had about four hours of electricity a day (if we are lucky), normally between midnight/1am until about 4/5am.  But those four hours a day are not guaranteed.  We have had several days of 24hours+ of no electricity.  The longest was 74 hours with no power.  The challenge with the power is you don’t know when to expect it, so you can’t plan ahead like with the water.

The lack of power makes it impossible to cook as everything is electric.  But, even if you did cook something you would have to plan to eat it all immediately as the refrigerators don’t stay cold because they are off more often than they are on.  Of course, a lot of the stores don’t have fresh food available anyway because they can’t refrigerate it, and no one is buying it.

Today I went to the food store and was at a loss for what to do.  I didn’t want to buy anything perishable because I wasn’t sure when I would be able to cook it, I didn’t have anything to store it in until the electricity returned, and for that matter I wasn’t sure whether the food was actually good because I wasn’t confident it had been consistently refrigerated.  Of course, the options were pretty limited to begin with.

In the end I bought 7 avocados, 2 bananas, a bottle of cold water because I haven’t had anything cold to drink in I can’t even remember how long, a jar of pickled onions, a jar of pickled peppers, and two cans of tuna fish (no mayo because I can’t refrigerate it).

I attempted to follow Dorothy’s lead today, clicking my ruby red (pink?) slippers together three times and chanting, “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.”  In the end it didn’t work.  If nothing else, this has been a VERY educational experience.

***For anyone out there asking themselves, “If she has no electricity how does she post on her blog?” I write them ahead of time and then pre-schedule several blog posts when the electricity comes back on. 

Don’t Tell Anyone This, But….

When I decided to go to Botswana one of the first things I was happy about was that it was safe to drink the water.  This may sound like a minor detail, but in many countries, particularly countries in Africa, that is far from possible.  In Sierra Leone the parasites in the water were so dangerous that I wore swimming goggles when I took a shower.  I doused my face with bottled water when I woke up in the morning to wash away the morning grogginess.  And I had to have all my clothes (underwear and socks as well) ironed because despite being washed in hot water and dried in a hot dryer, it was still possible to end up with parasites which would crawl underneath your skin and have to be cut out by a doctor if it happened.  Hence, the rejoicing over being able to drink the water in Botswana.

Of course, being able to drink the water is nice, but if the water doesn’t come out of the tap that’s another story.  I’ve mentioned before water restrictions and how we only have water in our homes about three to four days a week.  We haven’t gotten as much rain as they would hope for this year, so the dam is only at about 10% capacity.

About a week ago I woke up on a Sunday morning, headed out the door to the gym and halfway there doubled over in pain and had to return home.  I spent the entire day on the couch.  I didn’t actually get sick, but I had such severe stomach cramps I had no desire to eat, move or do anything.  The discomfort continued for several days, but each day the pain lessened.  By Thursday the stomach trouble was over.

On Friday I went out with a friend.  She is an environmental lawyer with the Ministry of Minerals, Energy and Water Resources.  I told her about my past week of stomach pain and she became quiet.  She leaned over and quietly (I have NEVER seen her say anything quietly by the way) said, “Ok, don’t tell anyone this, but you shouldn’t drink the water.”  WHAT?!?!

Has anyone been following #sochiproblems?  Google it and you will be entertained for hours.  One journalist was tweeting comments and pictures from Sochi about the fact her hotel had no water.  She mentioned that she was told when the water finally came back on she shouldn’t wash her face with it because it was dangerous.  Not long after she posted a picture of two glasses of bright orange water with the caption: Now I know what dangerous face water looks like.

As I sat there listening to Tshepo tell me not to drink the water all I could think about was #sochiproblems.  I asked her to explain and she told me that about 200 kids had been hospitalized over the weekend from dangerous contaminants in the water.  But!  Here’s the important part of the story, “The government doesn’t want to cause a panic, so they aren’t putting out an official statement telling people to avoid the water.  They don’t want this made public.”  I couldn’t believe it.  I thought Botswana was a little more advanced than soviet-style censorship and putting citizens’ health in danger for PR purposes.

Good news is that I’m going to have some amazing guns by the time I get back to the U.S. because I have to walk about a mile each way to the store to buy bottled water.   And I figure I don’t want to waste the trip, so I always buy 2- 5 liter bottles.  I don’t want to be uneven or anything.

Here is the Gaborone Dam, which is really more like a puddle right about now.  All the grass you see in the foreground is typically covered in water when the dam is at the appropriate level:

The Best Things I Learned Living in Africa

This afternoon I was speaking to a woman who was a new arrival to Africa.  She asked me what kind of advice I had as she began her new life here.  I took the opportunity to reflect on what I’ve learned over the past few months.  After giving it some thought, I can say with some amount of certainty that I have learned quite a few things.  Here is a list of my top epiphanies (so far) about Africa:

1. If there is hot water and water pressure take a shower and wash your hair regardless of whether you are dirty.  There is no guarantee you will have water pressure, hot water, or any water at all come tomorrow, so you need to take advantage of every bathing opportunity you can get.  The same premise goes for doing your laundry. 
2. If you act like a tourist, people will treat you like one.  For anyone who’s been following my blog for a while you have heard a lot of funny accounts of bizarre things which have happened to me.  If nothing else, the police seem drawn to me, whether my driving instructor is being pulled over for texting or whether I am causing accidents due to my crazy desire to walk to the store.  But I often have people ask why I don’t take pictures of some of these unusual instances.  For one, I don’t like to draw any extra attention to myself, such as when I was standing in court arguing my way out of a “walking with intent to cause a car accident” fine. In other cases I don’t take pictures because I don’t want to be perceived as a tourist.  I’ve watched this happen to other people: A foreigner and a local “become friends.”  The foreigner reverts back to his role as a tourist by asking to take a picture of the local.  The local responds by saying, “Sure, give me five dollars.” I don’t want those kinds of memories. 
3. It’s perfectly acceptable to play the “adorable white girl card.”  Speaking of being a foreigner, sometimes this helps.  The great thing about being a redheaded white girl is that I’m the only one.  I don’t blend in very well.  I try to, but thus far have been horribly unsuccessful.  But in some cases the inability to be mistaken for a local works to my benefit.  Every once in a while when I am desperate for help, such as when I need to get a beef permit so I can receive my package from home, being a “helpless, confused and scared white girl in need of rescue” can work to my advantage.  Somehow, that formula is irresistible to African men. 
4. On the flip side, if you are confident enough in your abilities to convince people you are a local who does belong then you earn yourself bragging rights and respect.  I particularly enjoy demanding an African rate.  Most African countries operate on a three tier pricing system: citizens, African residents and foreigners.  In Botswana, and when I travel to other African countries, I love saying things like, “This price isn’t fair.  Who do you think I am?  One of those rich muzungus (white people)?  No! I am an African! You give me an African rate!”  I certainly don’t get the absolute lowest price that the locals enjoy, but I don’t pay anything near what the foreigners do, plus, I end up making friends. 
5. If you are going to play a game of chicken, or start a fight, you had BETTER win; otherwise you may be taking your life in your hands.  Case in point: my recent visit to the Johannesburg airport.

In all reality I can think of at least another 10 best things to know about living in Africa, but I didn’t want to overwhelm the rookie.  She seemed a little deer in the headlights anyway, so I thought I would just let her ease into it for the time being.