Watching THE Footy, While Drinking Fairy Floss on Father’s Day

Australians go out of their way to confuse us Americans.  For instance, they drive on the left.  Of course, after my excellent driving lessons in Botswana this is not a problem for me.  But I did save the life of a tourist the other day when he failed to look in the right direction and stepped out into traffic.

They love using colloquialisms and odd terminology.  Recently I saw the following description on a wine bottle:  “…with green apple and fairy floss characters leaping out of the glass…”  In case you were wondering- I certainly hope you were!- fairy floss is cotton candy.  While I’m not a wine connoisseur, since when does wine taste like cotton  candy?!?  

The best “weird Australianism” I’ve found thus far may be the fact that they love to watch “THE footy”.  There is no such thing as just, plain, old, vanilla, “footy.”  It is “THE footy.”  The problem with “THE footy” is that there are FOUR different sports which qualify as “THE footy.”  I have watched countless games, done research, drawn graphics on whiteboards and still cannot describe the differences between these four sports.  You know that Australian guy on the 49ers, Jarryd Hayne?  They’ve been talking about him a lot on the news here.  The other day they showed a clip from a U.S. news station.  The U.S. news station referred to Hayne as an Australian rugby player.  Well, the Australian new anchors got all bent out of shape, saying, “He’s NOT a rugby player! The Americans don’t know what they are talking about!” So, what did I do?  I looked it up.  Hayne was a National Rugby League (NRL) player.  Rugby is IN THE TITLE!  I am SO confused.

My most recent experience of the vast conspiracy in which Australians plot to confuse Americans is that they moved Father’s Day!  Mother’s Day remains the same.

And I have to say, I’m terribly disappointed by the Australian version of Father’s Day.  This pretty much sums up Father’s Day in Australia:

After all, the Aussies love their barbeque.  This was demonstrated in all the stores as the Father’s Day section sold only two things:  barbeque supplies:

And books about sports.  If you would like to do your own reading about THE footy, and other sports in Australia, including competitive sheep shearing, here were some great suggestions, all on sale for Father’s Day!:

But THE WORST part about Father’s Day in Australia (besides the fact my awesome dad was back in the U.S.) is that these people do not know how to do greeting cards.  Speaking of my dad, we have this tradition where we like to look at greeting cards together.  We don’t necessarily have to buy any, but we can easily spend an hour in Walmart looking at cards, laughing and then telling the other person, “The one’s the best, you have to read it!”  Well, I think Australia has forever ruined greeting card browsing for me.  This was the greeting card display for Father’s Day:

Yup, that’s it.  I looked at every single one of them and not one made me laugh.  The one thing I found curious was that there was ONE to dad from son card.  And ONE to dad from wife card.  There were NO to dad from daughter cards.  Apparently Australians only have sons.  Who would have guessed?

In the end, this was the best card I could find, and the one I sent my dad:

I spent $7.00 on a very boring card which only resulted in me missing my dad, and then $3.00 to mail it to the U.S.  I’m not sure whether Hallmark has considered investing in the Australian market, but I do believe the sky is the limit here as the current standard is incredibly low.  In the meantime, here’s a more appropriate father’s day greeting for my dad:

Happy Father’s Day!

The Big Book of Baby Names

I’ve decided not to buy a car here in Brisbane.  Public transportation is good, parking and petrol are expensive, and I can’t imagine I would really need a car that often.  I figure if I need to make a trip in a car I will just rent one for the weekend.

But I’ve ridden in cars as a passenger a few times since my arrival.  There are a few things I’ve noticed during these outings:

1. Everyone has a GPS.  And the GPS isn’t always that useful.  There is a giant river running through Brisbane, there are only a few bridges open to vehicles, and most of the streets are either one way, or two lanes, one running in each direction.  So one wrong turn, or getting stuck behind an accident can easily delay your commute for an hour.

2. I often feel as if we are driving too close to the medians and that we are about to jump a curb.  Throughout most of my time in Africa I lived in countries where they drove on the left.  In fact, I even took driving lessons and got my Botswana driver’s license.  But there are lots of very tight roundabouts and traffic calming measures which often make me feel like we are about to crash at any moment, and

3. Everyone names their cars. In fact, some people not only name their cars, they also name their portable GPS.  In the last few days I have met Pearl (a beautiful Subaru BRZ sports car), Sheryl (a portable GPS who got us lost downtown in the middle of Friday night rush hour), and Belinda (which it seems is not only a very popular car name, but the most common female name here).

Funny enough, I was just noticing the car/GPS naming prevalence, and then last night on the news they were talking about the most popular car names in Australia.  Approximately half of all Australians name their cars and if the names aren’t related to the car make, model or colour (Suzy- for a Suzuki or Getzy- for the Hyundai Getz), then movie characters seem to be popular.  Some of the top choices were Kermit and Bumblebee (from Transformers).

The number 1 car name?  That’s right. Dory.

But my favourite part of the news story was the comparison the newscasters made between car names in Australia and baby names in the U.S.: “Dory and Kermit may be a little cartoonish, but they are more practical than what Hollywood celebrities name their kids: Summer Rain? Buzz Michelangelo? North West?  Is this a kid or a compass?”

Reentering the First World, Part Two

First of all, please let me apologize to my loyal blog readers for being absent for the past week.  I was driving from Maryland back to Texas and stopping to visit friends along the way.  I thought I would keep up with my blog while on the road, but in the end nine hours of driving a day plus mandatory (and necessary) social time with friends I haven’t seen in years equaled an exhausted Kelly unable to open her laptop.  But, rest assured, I am back!

Yesterday I arrived in Lubbock, Texas and was greeted by my posse of graduate students- current and former.  Thank goodness they were here to help me unpack my car, move my things from storage to my new house, rearrange furniture, etc.  They are currently scrubbing the toilets and cutting my lawn as I write this.  Totally kidding!  But they did help me with the move-in process which was a huge relief.  And it was a lot of fun because it was a mini-reunion (mini because we were missing a few Phelantologists who have graduated and moved on to bigger and better things).

I spent the better part of last night and this morning unpacking and cleaning, but you know how moves are.  You unpack 20 boxes only to realize you apparently packed all the plates and utensils, but somehow the glasses and bowls missed the boat.  This is made all the more shocking because somehow there are three used toothbrushes and a half empty roll of toothpaste in a box.  I know, I thought the same thing, Why in the world would I keep those for almost 15 months? Ewwwww….

Around 10 this morning I had a pretty comprehensive list of items I needed to purchase to make my new digs more habitable and so I ventured out to the store.  I know I arrived back in the U.S. about a month ago, but I’ve been so busy with conferences, social visits and family vacations that I haven’t spent any time doing normal day-to-day stuff- like going to the store.  This morning’s visit to Market Street (a grocery store) was a bit overwhelming.  I went in with a list of about a dozen things to buy.  But as I perused the aisles I kept thinking, Oh wow! They have XYZ product?  I should totally get one of those!......  They have ABC!  That’s amazing!  I haven’t seen one of those in…. hmmm…. a year, if not longer.  I definitely need that too…...  I don’t even know what this thing is!  But it looks AWESOME!  I’m totally getting this.  I don’t know what I’m gonna use it for, but I’m pretty sure I will LOVE IT! 

In aisle 8B I realized I had a problem.  Actually it was pointed out to me by Tim, a friendly shelf stocker.  I saw canned artichoke hearts and took EVERY SINGLE can off the shelf.  He stood there and watched me do this and said, “Are you sure you need ALL of those?”  I didn’t count them, but I would guess I had at least 100 cans of artichokes in my cart.  In the end I didn’t buy any of them because I realized I probably wouldn’t eat them this week anyway and I could just wait for them to go on sale.  And when they DO go on sale, they will actually be there.

Last night I was visiting with one of my former grad students and her husband.  Joe asked me, “What was the hardest thing about living in Africa?  What is the biggest adjustment coming home?”  I told him that it’s not the big things that make living abroad hard.  I knew before I went to Africa that there would be lots of power outages, that water rationing might mean you couldn’t take showers for days, that there were food shortages, so there were times you would go to the grocery store and there would be no fresh food on the shelf.  But you expect those things.  The things that drive you nuts are the little things.  Here in the U.S. if you need a battery you go to CVS a block away, run in, pick out the battery you need, pay for it and get out of there.  It should take 5 minutes or less to run that errand.  But that’s not how it works in Africa.  That task could take you all day, or several days.  (Remember when I tried to get my university ID?)

The best example of the little things driving you nuts involved two monkeys, a toothbrush, and what else? A condom.  Because in the end everything (in Africa) involves a condom, right?

One day I was in my house in Botswana, working at my desk on the first floor.  I heard a lot of commotion upstairs and went up to investigate.  Two monkeys had gotten into the house through my open bedroom window and were tearing my bathroom apart.  In the scuffle to get them out of there they knocked my face cream and toothbrush into the toilet.  Now, I wasn’t happy about the face cream because do you have any clue how difficult it is to find face cream for a white person in Africa?  Answer: Very hard.  But I could live without face cream.  I could NOT live without a toothbrush.  I finally got the monkeys out of the house and set out for the store to buy a new toothbrush.  It took me seven hours to (I think) nine or ten different stores in search of a toothbrush.  In the second to the last store I looked around, was unable to find a toothbrush and so I asked for assistance.  The store clerk said they did not have any toothbrushes, but instead offered me a box of condoms.  Though I desperately attempted to keep my cool I failed.  I started flailing my arms and told him, “I CANNOT CLEAN MY TEETH WITH THAT!!!!”  Thinking back on that now I remember the clerk nonchalantly shrugging as if to say, “Hey lady, here’s your option.  If you don’t like it, oh well.”

They say a lot of people who move overseas experience culture shock.  Many individuals also have similar challenges adjusting when they come home.  I suppose the artichokes are my reverse culture shock.  When I was at Market Street today I also stopped to stare at the wall of a thousand toothbrushes.  Sadly, Tim was there for that too.  I thought I was using my inner monologue when I said, “Wow, so many toothbrushes.  They are beautiful.”  But when Tim responded and said, “Yes, we have lots of toothbrushes.  But remember, you can only use one at a time” I thought it best to tell him, “I’m not strange.  I’ve been living in Africa.  I haven’t seen most of this stuff in forever.”  He nodded his head as if he truly understood me and said, “Well, in that case, we are open 24 hours, take your time looking around.” 

21 Days to Break a Habit

There seems to be some disagreement among “experts” regarding how long it takes an individual to break or form a habit.  This debate was first launched in the 1950s by plastic surgeon Dr. Maxwell Maltz.  Maltz found that when he performed an amputation the patient would continue to “feel” the phantom limb for roughly 21 days.  After the initial three weeks the patient would begin to adjust to his or her new life situation without the missing appendage.  This prompted Maltz to theorize that “it takes 21 days to break (or form) a habit.”  However, more recent studies have found that it takes on average more than two months- 66 days to be exact- for a behavioral alteration to occur.  It looks like I have a ways to go.

Today marks my one-week anniversary back in the U.S. of A. But, my adjustment has been…. slow. To say the least.  The day after I returned home my brother asked me to watch him play lacrosse.  I left the house and got in the car only to discover…. the steering wheel was in front of the other seat.  I continue to make this mistake on a regular basis.  I figure this is karma for making fun of all my visitors to Africa who would try to enter the car on the driver’s side and I would ask them, “Are you planning to sit in my lap?”  Here I am, yet again, trying to drive while sitting in the passenger’s seat:

Last weekend my dad and I were out running errands and stopped for lunch.  The server asked what I wanted to drink.

Kelly: Can I have a Coke Light please?

Server: A what?

Kelly: A Coke Light.

Server: Well, I don’t know what a Coke Light is, but we don’t serve Coke here.

Kelly: (confused, thinks for a minute) You don’t have Coke? What do you have? (At that moment I had no clue there was any soda product besides Coke.)

Server: We serve Pepsi products.

Kelly: Ok, then can I have a Pepsi Lite?

Server: What’s that?

Dad: I think she wants a Diet Pepsi.

Server: Then why didn’t she say that?

The back and forth with the server actually went on much longer, but I won’t bother you by supplying you with the entire transcript of that conversation.  I think it will suffice to say she thought I was an idiot and customer service post-soda dialogue was sub-par.  By the way, there is NO Pepsi in Africa.  Africa is strictly a Coca-Cola continent.  Talk about a monopoly.  Oh, and in about 2/3 of Africa it is only served in glass bottles, no cans or plastic bottles like in the U.S.

This afternoon I went to the grocery store.  I waited in line, the cashier rang up my gallon of milk, and then asked me, “How do you want to pay for this?”  I was going through my wallet, which you may remember has about ten different currencies still in it, and was taken aback by the question.   Wondering if this was a trick question I said, “Ummm… U.S. dollars?”  The cashier and I stared at one another for what felt like an eternity before she finally said, “I mean cash or credit?”  Kelly: “Sorry, my bad, here,” as I shoved a five dollar bill in her hand.

There you go.  I can say with great confidence it definitely takes more than one week to break (or form) a habit.  Let’s just hope I don’t continue to drive on the wrong side of the road for the next two months- it is terrifying when I realize there is someone driving straight at me.

Guns Up Red Raider Fans!

One afternoon three Red Raiders, Ashleigh, Amanda and Kelly, were driving down the road.  As Kelly rounded the corner she began pointing out the window and shouting with excitement, “Look!  Texas Tech!”  The three Red Raiders began waving at the young man walking down the road, talking on his cell phone.  The young man was wearing…. A Texas Tech sweatshirt!  After a year of searching through more than a dozen African countries Kelly had finally found a fellow Red Raider fan.  Not only had she found him, but he lived in her neighborhood in Botswana.  The three Red Raiders jumped out of the car, surrounded the Motswana teenager with the TTU sweatshirt and took a picture with him before he even knew what had happened.  Just as quickly as the encounter began, the three girls jumped back into the car and set off for the Gaborone Game Reserve in search of zebras.  The zebras were never located, but at least there was a Texas Tech sweatshirt sighting that evening.

Sadly I did not have my Texas Tech flag at the ready when we met our new friend.  During my time at Texas Tech I’ve take nine different groups of students (about 200 altogether) on trips to various locations across the globe to learn about hospitality and tourism from a different perspective.  I always take my TTU flag with us and we take lots of group photos with our “guns up” and the school colors.  Here we are in Switzerland:

Grand Turk during our Caribbean Cruise class:

And Las Vegas:

The picture of the Three Red Raiders and the Motswana just isn’t the same without the flag.  In an effort to make up for the missing accessory, here we’ve added it in twice for good measure:

Visitors!

I don’t know if you have ever seen the Disney movie Cars, but if you have there is one scene where two cars are lost and wander into Radiator Springs, which was previously a major tourist destination but seldom sees any visitors any longer.  As the two lost vehicles approach the town the cars which reside in Radiator Springs get excited and start to frantically prepare for their guests’ arrival.  The character that spots and announces the approaching cars starts exclaiming, “Visitors! We finally have visitors!”  That is how I feel right now.  I FINALLY have VISITORS!

Two of my friends from back in the States, Amanda and Ashleigh, arrived in Gaborone Monday evening.  I am so excited to have them here them and have spent the last week showing them around Botswana.  Tuesday morning we woke up early to head north.  Since it was a long drive and we had to spend most of the day in the car we spent the night at Elephant Sands, which is a guest house about 30 miles north of Nata.  We had intended to do a game drive that night, but the safari vehicle had broken down the previous day.  It ended up working out for the best because we were exhausted, so we moved into our chalet, ate dinner and then sat by the watering hole, desperately hoping we might see some animals stop by for a drink.  Here is a look at our chalet:

 

During our drive to Elephant Sands we saw many elephants and giraffes along the side of the road.  Aside from the evidence we saw of elephants in the area, there were also the typical warnings.  You know how there are deer warning signs?  Or moose warning signs in Alaska?  Maybe you aren’t aware of those signs in Alaska if you haven’t been there before, but they are there.  Well, here in Africa we have elephant warning signs: 

Later in the evening I was reminded of the elephant warning signs because we were standing on the porch and began hearing a lot of trees wrestling.  The next thing we knew about 20 elephants appeared about 15 feet away from our chalet.  This reminded me of the elephant warning signs and made me wonder what type of coverage I had on my rental car for animal incidents.  Fortunately there was no incident with the rental car, the elephants walked right past us to the watering hole where they drank for about 20 minutes and then left as peacefully and quietly as they arrived.  It was amazing, absolutely magical. Sorry, this isn't the best picture because it was nighttime, but you should be able to make out the shadows of the elephants:

Also along our drive to Nata we saw a dried riverbed which was just shocking.  I know there is a lot of debate about global warming and environmental changes, so take a look at this:

Those little islands with the trees on top were at least 20 feet tall and located in dried riverbeds all along the road from Gaborone to Kasane.