Yesterday
I went to the doctor to get my “medical exam.”
There was no measuring of height or weight. No blood tests taken. He didn’t use the little hammer on my knee to
see if I had good reflexes. Nope, none
of that. Instead we had a two minute
meeting in his office where he engaged me in conversation. We talked about how I was from the U.S. He
told me he had been to Baltimore and loved it.
I mentioned I went to Johns Hopkins; turns out he did too. Then he signed a paper, handed it to me, and
wished me a good stay in Botswana.
This
is what he gave me:
In
case you didn’t read it closely, please do so now. Here is a copy of the important part:
TA-DA! I am officially NOT an IDIOT! And I have papers to PROVE IT!
While
this exam is quite out of the ordinary for the practice of medicine today this
is common 1920s medicine. And since this
is just so unusual I figured I would provide a brief history lesson centered
around my medical exam. Please refer to
bullet points in the picture for corresponding information:
(a)
An
idiot is an individual with an IQ of 0-25, an imbecile has an IQ of 26-50, and
a moron is at the top of the heap with an IQ of 51-70. All three of these terms are formal medical
categorizations for people with severe mental retardation. So keep that in mind next time you call someone
an idiot. Or feel free to be a smarty
pants and when someone calls you an idiot say something to the
effect of, “Actually if I was an idiot that means I would have an IQ no higher
than 25 and we all know I’m the more intelligent person in this conversation,
so who feels like the idiot now?”
(b)
The
term imbecile came into vogue in 1927 when a U.S. Supreme Court case ruling allowed
for forced sterilization of “unfit” individuals, including those classified as
mentally retarded “for the protection of the health of the state.”
(c)
Feeble-minded
was used in 19th century Europe, again to specify a type of “mental
deficiency.” However, it should be noted
one would rather be feeble-minded than an idiot because feeble-minded was
considered the highest-functioning group of those with “mental deficiencies.”
(d)
“Being
an epileptic” has nothing to do with mental capacity, but rather is a chronic
neurological disorder. I thought it
curious that Botswana would be concerned about this, however, after some
research I found 50 million people have epilepsy, and 80% of those people are
in developing countries. Botswana is by
far the most developed of any “developing country” I’ve ever been to, but I
suppose this is still a major concern here.
(e)
Technically,
I’ve never officially had a previous attack in insanity, but I’m sure my
students, particularly my graduate students, would beg to differ. I’m sure if given enough time they could come
up with plenty of creative responses to this, so instead I’m going to surmise
what I would expect them to say: “You put a red pen in her hand and it’s like a
matador waiving a red flag in front of a bull in a china shop- she will bleed
all over your paper with reckless abandon and then gloat when you ask her if
she enjoyed her weekend reading your dissertation.”
(f)
In
1922 Dr. William House wrote an article about Constitutional Psychopathic
Inferiority (CPI), which stated CPI had only become a recent problem because
when society was less complex CPI was less likely to have any real impact. Prior to society’s development and increasing
sophistication, “inferior persons… mingled with their fellows without
attracting attention (kind of like the aliens from Men in Black), but with
advancing civilization they… failed to amalgamate and became conspicuous.” Dr. House goes on to state inferior persons
“produce social discord, contribute to the divorce problem and other forms of
legal controversy, propagate infections, cause and suffer from an excessive
number of cases of illnesses, accident and injury, and furnish a majority of
the inmates of almshouses, asylums and penitentiaries.”
(g)
As
for alcoholism, alcohol abuse is considered a prominent factor in the HIV/AIDS
epidemic. Botswana has the second highest HIV/AIDS rate in the world (24.8%)
behind Swaziland (26.1%).
In
summary, according to the doctor here in Botswana I am not an idiot, and
therefore fit to become a Motswana resident.
I’m sure my parents are very proud.
So glad to hear this good news, since we are related!
ReplyDeleteFrom having met you, I think maybe you need a second opinion. ;)
ReplyDelete